The Old Prospector: Expert Prospect Analysis From a Prospect Analysis Expert at Analyzing: Manbearpuig or Who is the Best Prospect This Year and Possibly of All Time Who is Not Currently On My Fantasy Roster

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Manbearpuig or Who is the Best Prospect This Year and Possibly of All Time Who is Not Currently On My Fantasy Roster

Imagine if you will that somewhere in the far reaches of the universe Superman and Zeus ejaculated, in unison, on a unicorn horn. That unicorn horn is then pounded into a fine powder by Thor's hammer and the powder is transferred via Pegasus to the Goddess Athena. Athena uses the powder to inseminate herself. Within minutes a child is born. A fully formed man child. He is delivered to earth on the Millennium Falcon where Obi Wan Kenobi discovers that this gifted man child, wonder of the gods, has the highest medi-chlorian count in the history of time. This man child is dropped deep in the jungles of Central America. After honing his abilities, having many civilizations form around him, worship him, and then perish over hundreds of years, and fighting both Predator and Alien and winning, this immortal man-god-beast finds his way to Cuba, learns the game of baseball, and is signed by the Los Angeles Dodgers. This thunder god is Yasiel Puig.

Manbearpuig is hands down the best prospect to burst onto the major league scene this year. He puts up amazing stats. He leads the league in most times feared by Chuck Norris and times Bo Jackson has cried himself to sleep in a combination of fear and awe thinking of him. Two highly important, but vastly underrated categories, and frankly if you aren't into advanced sabermetrics, you've probably never even heard of them, but you know who has? Bill James, and he knows everything.

His only flaw is that he is not currently on my fantasy roster. That's a pretty big negative, and I'm not sure he'll overcome it. Unless of course his current owner will come to his senses and see that Brandon Morrow is a fair straight up trade. Then and only then will Puig realize his true potential. Until then, he's just another prospect, called up, making his mark on the league and falling in somewhere behind the two rookies on my roster who, together, are just clearing the Mendoza line.

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A Bit About The Author

The Old Prospector comes from a background that has prepared him to accurately predict prospect success.

The Old Prospector has been around baseball for decades. He remembers Kirby Puckett and Chuck Knobaluch. He crashed Brad Radke's wedding and was accepted with open arms. He is arguably THE biggest St. Paul Saints fan to ever walk the earth and he remembers that magical 1997 season with flowers and snowflakes. JD Drew's magnetic personality gave a jolt of electricity to the team and really charged them up. The Old Prospector is NOT Bill Murray. Or is he?.... Maybe he's Odo from Deep Space Nine. Chameleon.

In 12th grade he achieved the pinnacle of his baseball greatness by pitching for his 1 win high school varsity baseball team (think of a good knuckle ball pitcher, then take away the movement).

He's always been fairly successful at games of chance like dice and roulette, and winning Plinko on The Price is Right in 2003.

He has moderate to plus typing skills and grades out as a 5 tool blogger (having started no less than three blogs in his career) who could put it all together or completely fall apart at any point in time (Think the Billy Beane of the internet).

He works tirelessly in his bunker in the midwest, existing on a diet of coffee and high fructose corn syrup, scanning the internet for largely tangential information that he alone can mold into the analysis you need to successfully navigate the world of fantasy baseball prospects.